


Humanitas

by ssa_archivist



Category: Smallville
Genre: Drama, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-09-20
Updated: 2003-09-20
Packaged: 2017-11-01 10:32:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/355646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ssa_archivist/pseuds/ssa_archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post-Exodus. Clark learns a few things about being human.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Humanitas

## Humanitas

by glimpse

[]()

* * *

He felt the power rush through his veins as the warm metal slid onto his finger. 

Eyes lifted to the horizon, promise resting there in a haze of smog and steel. Smiling, he revved the engine and allowed the machine to roar forward, power humming between his legs. For a moment, it felt as if he were flying. 

For a moment, it felt as if he were free. 

* 

The first time they made love his heart broke. She was soft beneath his hands. Large hands, rough hands. 

" _Be careful Clark, it's delicate_ ," his mother had told him when he was young. He had picked a flower from the garden, only to crush the delicate petals in his hands. His mother had gently wiped away his tears and picked another, handing it to him with great care. " _Be gentle, dear one. You must always be gentle_." 

Lana was like the silk of those petals beneath him, and he took care not to crush her. She was all whispers and smiles and gentle mewls of pleasure as he touched her, buried himself in her warmth. Buried himself in her humanity. 

Pink flesh rose in gentle curves that he traced with wonder, noting with curiosity the shivers that his caresses caused. The sun warmed them both, the rough texture of the blanket beneath them keeping them from drifting away. The light scent of spring mingled with her flowery perfume, and he savored the mixture with each breath. 

She was as inexperienced as he was, her eyes fearful at first, then full of a surprised pleasure. Soon he lost himself in the gentle rhythm, release building unexpectedly and bursting through him like light. As he looked down at her, hair strewn around her face, sweat gleaming on her skin, he saw beauty. He saw humanity. 

He saw everything he would never have. Could never be. His angel hadn't saved him. She had merely shown him how impossible his prayers had been. How inhuman he was. 

The pedestal cracked and fell that warm spring day on a worm blanket in a field, and the idol tumbled down. 

And Clark fell with it. 

* 

He lost himself in the sharp edges of Metropolis, this alien called Kal-El, taking as he pleased. It was laughably simple to amuse himself here. Money wasn't even a worry; after all, no ATM could withstand the Last Son of Krypton. 

He spent most of his nights in the clubs, consuming alcohol that never managed to dull his senses and drugs that wore off far too quickly. And he explored darkened back rooms where beautiful bodies waited for him to take. He lost himself in the pounding of flesh, the explosion of pleasure/pain, the momentary release. 

But soon enough he would come crashing back down to a life that felt more chained each day, even though he was free of the tiresome weight of guilt. 

And then he saw the headline. 

* 

The kiss hit Clark like lightning. One minute they had been talking, sprawled lazily on the leather couch, and then Lex's lips met his. 

Soft, like velvet, for a moment reminiscent of earlier, more feminine kisses, but then the sharp feel of teeth on his lower lip caused his toes to curl and the blood to rush to his cock. Warm tongue swept over his mouth and his brain short-circuited. Lex owned him, strong hands gripping his arms as he pushed Clark back, and the stunned younger boy could only be controlled, leaned back against the arm of the couch. Lex's tongue probed insistently, and Clark yielded, opening his mouth to immediately have it plundered. His mind was a haze of pleasure and stunned surprise, but all he could think about was for this to never end. 

But it did, with an abruptness that made him blink, because suddenly Lex was gone, back on his side of the couch and watching him with a blank look that cooled Clark's lust instantly. He knew he should be saying something. 

"Lex, I..." Nothing, just the damned empty face Lex saved for strangers and enemies. "I didn't... Lana." 

And then the lifeless look faded, replaced by a casual, wry grin. "Nothing lost, nothing gained." And then it was back to normal, Lex rising to move to his desk and flip open the laptop as if nothing had happened. 

Clark was left alone, finally remembering to sit up straight again. He touched his lips with wonder, the entire situation seeming far too surreal to have actually happened. But he could still taste Lex, a heady mixture of alcohol and something slightly bitter. Lex had kissed him, and for a moment he had felt... And then he had ruined it. 

Clark had meant to say that Lana had shown him how inhuman, how unworthy he was. But that was the truth, and it had been so long since he told Lex the truth that he had forgotten how. So he had fallen silent, watching Lex return to normal, pretend nothing had ever happened. 

Except for the emptiness that remained in his eyes. That's when Clark knew he had lost Lex. 

* 

That's when Clark knew he had lost Lex. A plane, the paper had said, a plane had crashed into the sea. The man who had once been Clark stood stunned at what he was feeling. Up until this moment he had been sure he no longer cared for this vile, lying bastard. But suddenly he couldn't breath and obscene thoughts were filling his head. Thoughts of rage and sorrow and guilt and it's all his fault why wasn't he there to save him Lexwhynocan'thappenIfailedmyfaultnono _please_... 

The ring clattered to the ground, the impact sounding harshly in Clark's ears as he finally woke up. He held the memories at bay, knowing how he would break down if he remembered what he had done this past week. Had he taken off the ring? Had it fallen? Didn't matter. He had to save Lex. He wasn't lost yet, he wouldn't be lost until Clark had found his body. But that will never happen, he thought with a shudder as he took off, the world blurring around him, because he wouldn't allow it to happen. 

Because Lex was all that mattered. 

* 

"Pete's Mommy, what's love?" 

Mrs. Ross smiled as she made the peanut butter and jelly sandwich for the young boy standing in front of her. "Love is the feeling you have for your parents, for Pete." She paused for thought. "Love is better than a spring day, better than sunsets and apple trees..." 

"Better than new toys?" 

She chuckled. "A zillion times better. When you love someone, everything is perfect and you feel warm and safe on the inside. Love makes life worth living" 

"Do you love me, Pete's Mommy?" 

A smile. "Of course I do, Clark." 

"Can only people feel love?" 

"Well, I suppose animals love, like the way your dog loves you... But real love, true love... Yes, only humans can feel that." 

Clark's face fell. He couldn't love. He wasn't human, and he couldn't love. 

As he went to find Pete, sandwich in hand, Clark wished for the first time that he could be human. 

It was the first of a zillion wishes... 

* 

The sun shone harshly down on the man's body, caked with sand and blistered red. Clark feared at first that he had failed, that Lex was dead. But as his trembling hand touched the burnt flesh, Lex stirred, eyes opening weakly. 

"What took you so long?" 

Clark could only laugh through his tears as he knelt, gently brushing his lips against Lex's. "Better than sunsets and apple tress..." He murmured, his words unheard as they were swallowed by a hungry kiss. 

That day they weren't destined friends or fated enemies, they weren't villain and savior. 

That day they were just two humans under the sun. 

* 

"Mommy, will I ever find someone to love?" 

She smiled, pulling the covers up around his chin. "Of course, one day you'll find someone special, just for you, who you'll love more than anything else." 

"I hope so..." he muttered sleepily, his eyes drifting closed. 

Martha stood, smiling fondly at her son, before quietly leaving the room. 

Clark yawned, curling up in his bed. "And I guess they'll just hafta be human enough for the both of us..." 


End file.
